An Actor’s Hell

Waiting for a call-back is the most painful part of being an actor.

I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was check my phone.

Not for the usual daily 20 minutes of insta-scrolling, but for the slightest sign of it.

The call-back...

No missed calls.

No new emails, other than a reminder of a student loan payment

Which I will have to defer. Again.

Not a tiny piece...of reassurance.

So I guess, I'm off to another dreaded audition.

Another “pick me, pick me,” day.

Where I have to demonstrate to a table of strangers

How I AM, what they’ve been looking for all along.

The perfect person for whatever well-written and layered character they have created.

I have to stand out and uniquely blow their minds.

Yet, you get there and you do anything but.

Well at least it feels that way.

My mom always told me how special I was:

Talented

Beautiful

One of a kind

And those are all facts.

But, at an audition there are tons of women who are:

More talented

More beautiful

More one of a kind

So you sit there, going over your sides over and over.

Side eyeing everyone; doubting yourself.

Thus, instead of memorizing lines.

You try to amp yourself up, with this mantra:

I am the shit, I’m THAT bitch

These other bitches got nothing on me.

And you take the deep breaths your Acting 101 professor taught you to take freshman year.

Because in reality, an audition doesn't define you

Neither does a call-back

They don’t make or break you unless you let them.

So when I finally get THE CALL.

I just send a quick text:

Hey Ma, you were right. They picked me.

Sincerely yours,

Just Another Millennial